Dancing Fools 3
by Persiana13
Summary: Sequel to Dancing Fools. A certain insane author decides to have the X-men be subject to his madness as he casts for his Dancing with the Stars Parody. The laughs are back, and better than ever!
1. Chapter 1

**Dancing Fools 3 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos. Dancing with the Stars belongs to ABC. _

Chapter 1: We're Doing this Again? 

Cyclops asked,

"OK, does anyone know why he called us here?"

Wolverine shrugged,

"Beats me, Slim."

Cyclops glared,

"I hate that nickname."

Jean growled,

"Oh, I hate Persiana13! After what happened to me the last time…" (1)

Emma chuckled,

"That was quite an interesting display of power from that nice young man. I think this Diablos did that just to spite you."

Jean sneered,

"Up yours, Frost!"

The author entered with Farrah,

**Ladies, ladies. Don't start fighting now. I have to get the cameras ready. And, maybe sell tickets. **

Beast rolled his eyes,

"As professionally insane as ever, I take it."

**Got it, Cookie Monster. **

Farrah waved,

"Hey, Beast!"

Beast nodded a greeting,

"Salutations, Farrah. How are you faring?"

Farrah shrugged,

"Well, it's all right. Just been a bit busy. You know, the boss writing I'm an emotionally charged wreck and just getting my life back together. How are things for you, Simba?"

Beast tugged on his collar nervously,

"Uh…uh…"

Jean raised her eyebrow,

"Simba? Is there something you want to tell us, Henry?"

Beast shook his head,

"I really don't know what you're talking about."

Farrah grinned,

"Come on. You remember when we first met. I called you Simba. You were all blushing and everything. You liked it."

Beast harshly whispered,

"Farrah, don't talk about that now."

Diablos walked in,

"Is there something I should hear about this, Farrah?"

Farrah turned,

"How did-?"

Diablos folded his arms,

"I'm a telepath. I know stuff."

Cyclops said,

"So does Layla Miller."

He got hit with a bean bag,

"OW! What was that for?"

**Do you really want me to go down the list? I could take up fifty pages with reasons why I don't like you. **

Farrah scratched her head,

"Does he even have fans?"

**There's always a fan for everyone, even the really lame characters like Quicksilver. **

Quicksilver shouted off camera,

"Hey! You're not being very nice!"

**Up yours, Streaky, or I release those…photos. **

Quicksilver, off camera, was horrified,

"You wouldn't! You're horrible!"

He ran away. Emma asked,

"What photos exactly?"

**Have you ever wondered out which team Quicksilver plays for? Well, I found out. **

Wolverine groaned,

"I don't even want to know now."

Jean glared at Diablos,

"You! You humiliated me!"

Diablos adjusted his glasses,

"I wasn't the one that attacked Firebird like that."

Jean powered up,

"You know who I am! I AM PHOENIX!"  
The visage of the phoenix formed. Diablos rolled his eyes, pulled out a fire hose, and sprayed Jean with it,

"Now, you're all wet!"

Jean looked at herself,

"I'm soaked!"

**Hey, knock it off, you two. All right, you know the drill. Farrah and I have compiled a list of couples to dance this season. **

Cyclops grumbled,

"Oh, joy. This'll be good."

He got hit with a mallet,

"OW!"

**Silence! Now, our first couple dancing is…Thunderbird and Hepzibah! **

Hepzibah blinked,

"Seriously? Well, that's odd."

**I read that X-men story Extremists, and let me tell you; there's certainly a lot of chemistry between you two. **

Thunderbird asked,

"You do realize she was only into me because we were underground for so long; her instincts nearly took over, right?"  
**I could always pair you up with Northstar-. **

Thunderbird shook his head,

"No, I'm not complaining."

**I figured you wouldn't. All right, the second couple is…Havok and Polaris. **

Polaris grunted,

"No surprise there."

**Third up is…Scarlet Witch and Nightcrawler! **

Scarlet Witch shook her head,

"I'm not even an X-man. I'm an Avenger."

**Hey, what can I say? I needed filler. Besides, you two are a couple in one reality. **

Nightcrawler said,

"We have a child, Talia."

**Nocturne. Yeah, I'm hoping they bring her back. Sucks what happened to her. **

Nightcrawler asked,

"What happened to her?"  
**She had a stroke and is now recovering in another reality. Anyway, let's get back to the couples. Here are two I am looking forward to seeing; Jean Grey and Wolverine…**

Cyclops was shocked,

"WHAT? She's my wife!"

**This is coming from the guy that cheated on his wife with Emma Frost, of all women. **

Emma asked,

"What's wrong with me?"  
Farrah began counting on her fingers,

"You dress like a slut…"

Jean said,

"White is not your color…"

**You ran a school of evil mutant children to try and attack the New Mutants…**

Wolverine continued,

"You were a leader in the Hellfire Club…"

Beast added,

"You have the worst tastes in opera and classical music…"

**And let's not forget all those times in other people's fan fics that you're an overall egotistical, self-centered, maniacal, worthless, insensitive piece of trash that should be run over repeatedly in the street across broken glass and carpenter nails. **

The author paused,

**I take that back; it's too good for you, so, I'm having you pair up with Cyclops. That's a more suitable punishment.**

Jean asked,

"Have you lost your mind?"

Farrah said,

"This is my boss we're talking about."

**Yeah, let's get down to the final two couples for this show. **

The author looked at list and smiled evilly,

**Well, here's a blast from your past, Frosty. Justice and Firestar! **

Firestar ran on stage,

"Bitch! Die!"  
She tackled Emma Frost, a cat-fight breaking out. Justice blushed hotly,

"Uh, uh, uh…"

**I wonder why that's in there. Oh, well. I figure it'd be worth something to someone. Any way, our final couple for the evening…Shadowcat and Colossus! **

Shadowcat grinned,

"Cool! That's awesome!"  
Gambit raised his hand,

"Hold up! Why not the Gambit and chere?"  
**Huh, good question. I guess you're not as marketable as people think you are.  
**Rogue questioned,

"Excuse meh? Marketable? What about Wolverine?"

**What about him? **

Rogue shouted,

"He's overrated!"

**I don't care. He's on and you're not. Get used to it. Anyway, when we return, we meet our judges for this season of Dancing Fools: X-men edition! **

Cyclops groaned,

"Completely insane!"

He got hit with a mallet and fell unconscious.

Next Chapter:

Meet the Judges!

(1) Read Dancing Fools 2


	2. Chapter 2

**Dancing Fools 3 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos. Dancing with the Stars belongs to ABC! _

Chapter 2: Introducing the Judges! 

**Now that we got that out of the way, let's introduce our judges! **

Rev. Stryker entered,

"This studio is a land of sin! You dare defile this land with mutant freaks!"

**Stryker, what the hell are you doing here?  
**Rev. Stryker declared,

"I have come to liberate the world of you and your blaspheming ways!"

**Oh, really? **

The author dialed his cell phone,

**Yes, hi. Could you come down here please? Yes, he's here. Thank you. **

The author hung up. Stryker asked,

"Who did you just call?"

Moments later, a police siren wailed. Two cops entered the set. Cop 1 asked,

"Is this the man?"  
**Yes, officer. He's the pedophile I called about earlier. **

Stryker's eyes widened,

"WHAT? I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE!"

Cop 2 shook his head,

"That's what they all say."

The cop put handcuffs on Stryker. Stryker resisted,

"NO! I'M BEING FRAMED! I AM DOING THIS FOR GOD!"

Cop 1 asked,

"Really? What about all those pictures of little boys on your computer?"  
Emma shook her head,

"Disgusting."

Jean grumbled,

"Monster."

The cops eventually tasered Stryker and dragged him away. Farrah giggled,

"Finally, I always hated him."

**I think everyone does. Look at it this way; the Church of Humanity won't be doing any more business with him out of the way. Anyway, let's get back to the judges…**

Deadpool entered,

"LUCY, I'M HOME!"

**Deadpool, thanks for coming. Everyone, meet our first judge! **

Wolverine blinked,

"You are kidding, right? Please tell me this is a sick joke."

Deadpool said,

"It's no joke, Wolvie! I'm going to be judging your form and poise."

He pulled out a tape measure,

"I'm also going to measure how long it's going to take before you just decide to have sex with Jean Grey!"

Jean scowled,

"I love Scott Summers."

**Jean, Scott's sleeping with Emma. He can do a lot better. **

Emma rolled her eyes,

"All right, then. Who would you rather have Cyclops cheat on?"  
**Well, let's see here…**

The author pulled out a roll of paper, promptly unfurled down and rolled out of studio,

**First on the list, Scarlet Witch, Rogue, Polaris, Sersi, Wasp, Hellcat, She-Hulk, Valkyrie, Sif, Hela, Invisible Woman, Wolfsbane… **

Emma groaned,

"I get the idea."

**Good. Our second judge for tonight's show is…Magneto! **

Magneto turned in his chair, bound and gagged,

"MMAAGAGAHGAHAMAMAFFFAGH!"

Farrah tapped her chin in thought,

"Do you think he's saying he needs to go to the bathroom or something?"  
**I don't know. **

Professor X said,

"I have to know how you did that."

**Would you believe two candy bars and cherry soda?  
**Professor X blinked,

"Actually…yes."

**Good, because he's getting that after the show. **

Graydon Creed entered,

"Oh my God! Where's Stryker?"

Wolverine said,

"He got arrested earlier for being a pedophile."

Graydon screeched,

"PERSIANA13, what did you do to him?"

**Graydon, use your indoor voice if you want to talk to me. **

Graydon roared,

"I have to go and bail that idiot out! Do you have any idea what that's going to cost me?"

**Not as much as it is going to cost you, I'm afraid. **

A gun clicked behind Graydon's head. Graydon nervously turned,

"Uh, uh, uh…"

Deadpool grinned,

"Hiya, Grady! We're gonna have so much fun, you and I. We're going to play my favorite game; Operation! You see, I'm going to use this gun to perform brain surgery, then, take my knife and remove every organ in your body. Of course, the object would be for you to survive as long as possible. It's a fun game. Why don't we play it?

Wolverine, the sounds of a SNIKT could be heard as he said,

"Can anybody play?"

Deadpool nodded,

"Yep. In fact, more the merrier!"

Graydon whimpered,

"Help me. Persiana13, help me."

**Promise me you and the rest of those Friends of Humanity guys stay as far away from my studio as possible, and maybe give ABC a headache for me, we'll be all set. **

Graydon nodded,

"I'll do it. Just don't let them kill me."

He ran away. Deadpool whined,

"I wanted to play Operation with him!"

**Later, Wade. Later. Right now, we have to introduce our third and final judge for this evening. **

Deathbird turned around in her chair, bound to it,

"What is the meaning of this? I am a proud Shi'ar warrior!"

Bishop groaned,

"Oh, God, it's my ex. What is she doing here?"

**Don't you have a kid with her or something? Now that I think about it, what the hell did you see in her, anyway? You two must have gotten drunk or something. **

Deathbird yelled,

"How dare you, Earthling? When I get free of this, I shall torture you in the most unspeakable, violent ways I can imagine and-."  
She got hit with a mallet and fell unconscious. Farrah grumbled,

"Seriously, she was getting annoying."

**I know that feeling. So, anyway, let's get this show over with! **

Diablos sighed,

"Here we go again!"

Next Chapter:  
The Dancing Begins!


	3. Chapter 3

**Dancing Fools 3 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos. Dancing with the Stars belongs to ABC._

Chapter 3: Tip Toe Tantrums

**One Week Later, in the Audience…**

Diablos said,

"Well, it looks like the fans are getting what they want; more character torture."

Rogue folded her arms,

"Ah still can't believe that Persiana13 had the nerve to snub me and Remy out of this competition."

Gambit nodded in agreement,

"_Oui, chere_. We can out-dance dese clowns any day o' the week."

Beast rolled his eyes,

"I'm sure you two would elegantly grace the dance floor."

Professor X said,

"I'm surprised Magneto was so easy to trick with candy bars and cherry soda."

Diablos blinked,

"That has got to rot your teeth out."

Beast nodded,

"Yes, it does. However, to Laura, it is not bad."

Iceman shouted,

"Not bad? She cleared the three minute mile in five seconds! Not only that, she tried to use her claws and chop me into ice cubes and put me in more cherry soda! I'm lucky to be alive!"

The theme song for Dancing with the Stars played. Persiana13 and Farrah walked out on stage, in the usual tux and scandalous dress ensembles.

**Welcome, fans. Welcome to our latest season of Dancing with the Heroes: X-men edition! Tonight, we're gonna have some real toe-tapping, knee slapping action! But, first, an announcement. It gives me great sorrow and sadness to say that Graydon Creed was arrested today at ABC studios. **

Farrah frowned at me,

"Why is that a bad thing?"

**He'll survive until his bail hearing. Luckily for me, that won't be for a few days. **

Iceman grumbled,

"Yeah, lucky you."

He got hit with a bean bag,

"OW!"

**Anyway, let's introduce our judges. First up…Magneto!  
**Magneto was still tied to the chair,

"When I get my hands on you-!"

He got hit with a mallet,

"Look at the pretty birdies!"

**That's better. Now, for our next judge…Deadpool! **

Deadpool looked into the camera,

"Is this thing on? I want them to capture my good side!"

Wolverine grunted off camera,

"I didn't know you had one!"

Deadpool shouted back,

"Up yours, old man! Just think of it; the movies; the cereal boxes, the commercials…I AM A MEDIA GODSEND!"

Everyone blinked at that.

**Uh, right, Wade. Just sit there and I'll get you an ice cream when this is over. **

Deadpool's expression brightened,

"You will? With sprinkles?"

The author sighed,

**Yes, and it can even be on a sugar cone if you want it. **

Deadpool said randomly,

"I like chocolate."

**Whatever. Our third judge for the evening…Deathbird! **

Deathbird was bound to chair,

"Release me, you pathetic Earthling! I will kill you for the Shi'ar empire when I get my hands on you!"

A Molotov cocktail is thrown at her. She screeched, and flew around the building,

"HELP! HELP! Put it out!"

Bishop yelled,

"That's for being a bad influence on my daughter!"

**Anyway, this season of Dancing Fools promises to be bigger and more explosive than ever before.**

A loud explosion followed,

**You see, it's already starting! **

Jean yelled from backstage,

"Quit trying to sleep with my man, Frost!"  
Emma also backstage shot back,

"Oh, please. You can't keep your hands off Wolverine long enough to stop me!"

The sounds of a cat-fight could be heard.

**Well, now. I had better get backstage and handle this. While I do, Hepzibah and Thunderbird are going to be performing a dance seen on last season's Dancing with the Heroes; Ballet. **

The author quickly left the stage. Hepzibah entered,

"I do not understand the significance of this."

She looked at the tight ballet costume. Farrah explained,

"Ballet is a more flexible dance, requiring tighter stretches and grace. As a were-cat, that should come naturally to you."

Hepzibah nodded in understanding,

"Interesting."

She raised her leg high behind her head, arching her spine back and having her foot touch her face,

"Like this?"

Thunderbird entered in skin tight clothes,

"This is humiliating. I am a warrior, not a-."

He saw Hepzibah's display of flexibility,

"On second thought, I think I can like this dance better now."

Hepzibah returned to normal,

"You should see some other positions I can assume…later."

As the two began dancing, Hepzibah displayed some fantastic ballet moves, showing sheer grace, suppleness, and control. It was almost as if Hepzibah was attempting to seduce Thunderbird. When the dance was over, the author re-entered the set,

**I swear I don't keep enough tranquilizers in stock. So, what'd I miss?  
**The author saw Thunderbird pick up Hepzibah and madly dashed out of the studio. Seconds later, a loud moan was heard, something between a woman's scream of passion and a lion's roar. The author blinked,

**O-K. I take it that went well. **

Deadpool cried out,

"The sights, the sounds, the spectacle…NINE!"

Magneto applauded,

"An amusing performance. An eight."

Deathbird scowled,

"What do I expect from a slutty alien were-cat and a human male? A five."

Hepzibah darted back on in bra and panties,

"DIE!"

She tackled Deathbird, a cat-fight breaking out.

**And I just ran out of tranquilizers. Well, when we return, Shadowcat and Colossus are going to do new dance not previously done before on this show. Now, I know I have something here to deal with this… **

The author went to trunk and rummaged through it,

**Hah! I knew I had that flaming crossbow here somewhere! **

Next Chapter:

Colossal Nightmare!


	4. Chapter 4

**Dancing Fools 3 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos. Dancing with the Stars belongs to ABC._

Chapter 4: Disco Disaster 

**We're back, ladies and gentlemen. **

The author reloaded his grenade launcher,

**Sorry, just a precaution out there for all those unruly people in the audience. And, anyone else that tries to get in here. **

Iceman grumbled,

"Like anyone wants to actually be here."

A grenade got fired, exploding. Iceman screamed,

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE PAIN!"

Northstar rushed in,

"Don't worry, Bobby. I'll get you to the infirmary."

He picked up Iceman and left at super speed. Iceman said off camera,

"Thanks, Jean-Paul. You're a…why are you closing that door? And, why are you puckering your lips? Oh no. HHHHEEEEEEEEEELLLLLPPPP!"

**You know, I always figured Northstar and Iceman would make a cute couple. I mean, look at all the fan fictions that have those two in heated romance. **

Diablos groaned,

"Oh, God. That is disturbing."

Farrah smirked,

"I can take your mind off of that."

She stripped out of her dress and flashed Lance. The audience was stunned. Rogue shouted,

"Oh, mah God. She actually flashed her boyfriend!"

Gambit blinked,

"Whoa, Remy like what he sees."

He got thrown through ceiling by Rogue. Farrah walked up to Diablos, put her dress back on, and pressed her lips against his,

"There, isn't that more memorable?"

Diablos blushed hotly and fell over. He grinned,

"What a woman."

Farrah walked back to the stage,

"You see, ladies and gentlemen. Nothing to it."

Miss Marvel quipped off camera,

"And she calls me a slut."

Farrah screeched,

"DIE!"

She ran off camera, a fight breaking out.

**All right, now. Let's get this show on the road again. Next up, we have Shadowcat and Colossus on stage. They are going to be performing something I just felt a dance that deserved to be showcased; Disco! **

Colossus entered in polyester, wearing afro,

"Do I have to wear this ridiculous outfit?"

**You should see what Kitty's wearing. **

Shadowcat entered in mini-skirt, wearing afro and high heels,

"I look like a Troll doll with this on!"

**Which is a dramatic improvement over the way you already look. So, let's see some Saturday Night Fever! **

As Shadowcat and Colossus began to dance disco, the stereotypical disco ball lowered from the ceiling slowly. There were a lot of laser lights going off, bouncing off the globe. One of them went through Shadowcat's afro. Shadowcat was frantic,

"HELP! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!"

Colossus ran over and grabbed a bucket of water. He threw it all over Kitty,

"Katya, are you all right?"

Shadowcat, soaked, glared at Colossus,

"NO! I AM NOT ALL RIGHT! I LOOK LIKE A WET RAT!"

The disco ball fell on Colossus' head, knocking him out. The author applauded,

**And thus, disco died. Well, judges, what do you think? **

Deadpool held a skull in his hands,

"Alas, poor disco…you rocked! An eight."

Magneto said,

"Seven for me."

Deathbird grumbled,

"Stupid Earthlings. A six."

A laser light blasted Deathbird. She screamed,

"I'M BEING ATTACKED! WHERE ARE YOU, COWARD?"

Farrah re-entered, disheveled,

"That takes care of that."

The author blinked,

**Farrah, what happened to Miss Marvel? **

Miss Marvel entered, furious and bald,

"YOU BITCH! YOU SHAVED MY HEAD! DIE!"

She sprinted after Farrah. Farrah cackled maniacally,

"Can't catch me!"  
The chase went off camera.

**Well, that's certainly an interesting turn of events. **

Iceman ran by, pants down at his ankles,

"Northstar, stay away from me!"

Northstar ran by, little hearts dancing around his head. The author covered his face,

**I am so getting a sexual harassment lawsuit from this, I know it. **

Diablos shrugged,

"It can't be any worse than those lawsuits you're getting from ABC."

He got hit with a mallet,

"OW!"

Next Chapter:

More Dancing Insanity!


	5. Chapter 5

**Dancing Fools 3 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos. Dancing with the Stars belongs to ABC!_

Chapter 5: Wreaking Havok on the Dance Floor 

The author was on the phone,

**What do you mean he got out? You idiots are supposed to keep him in jail. HE MADE BAIL? You do realize he's going to come for me, right? Graydon and Stryker are going to try and kill me. **

The author paused,

**On second thought, thanks for telling me. **

The author hung up,

**Ladies and gentlemen, I have just received word that Graydon Creed and Rev. Stryker are going to be on their way back here tonight. **

Deadpool clapped his hands excitedly,

"Cool! I can play Operation! I just need my surgical mask and my apron."

He pulled out an apron with picture of himself on it. Farrah blinked,

"You keep an apron with a picture of yourself on it?"

Deadpool shrugged,

"Doesn't everyone?"

**I keep a cardboard cut out of myself on me. **

The author put said cut-out on stage,

**Hah! I can make copies of myself! **

Madrox said off camera,

"You suck!"

He got hit with a bean bag, split into two people,

"OW! THAT HURT!"

**Be grateful I don't hit you with something harder. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go make some phone calls. While that's going on, you can watch Havok and Polaris do…the Fox-trot. **

The author exited. Havok entered in tuxedo,

"Ready, darling?"

Polaris entered in a beautiful green dress,

"Of course, Alex."

Quicksilver walked in,

"Now, wait just a minute."

Farrah groaned,

"Quickie, what's the big idea? We were about to be entertained."

Quicksilver said,

"That is my sister we're talking about. I mean, she's not supposed to be treated like a piece of meat."

Farrah admired her claws,

"I guess it's a bad time to tell you Wanda's pregnant with Kurt's baby."

Quicksilver's eyes widened,

"WHAT? KURT AND WANDA?"

He grabbed a chain saw and madly dashed out. Seconds later, a loud girlish shriek came from Wanda's dressing room. It was not Wanda, nor Kurt. Farrah grinned,

"Well, that takes care of that problem. Now, on with the show!"

As Havok and Polaris both did the fox-trot, it seemed like an interesting performance. The dance concluded without any sort of interruption. Quicksilver entered, his clothes were torn and he had a horrified look on face,

"Help me."

He passed out on the dance floor. The author re-entered the set,

**Well, what'd I miss? **

The author saw a bleeding Quicksilver on the dance floor and declared,

**This cannot stand. **

The author took a large janitor's broom and brushed Quicksilver off set. He then went back on,

**Well, judges, what do you think? **

Deadpool critiqued,

"The performance was all right. A seven."

Magneto nodded,

"I approve of the performance as well. An eight."

Deathbird shrugged,

"Seven.

Farrah grinned,

"Twenty two points. Not bad, not bad at all."

**Yes, it's true. Now, when we return, Justice and Firestar are going to be dancing a more sensuous dance in the line up…the Ramba! **

Next chapter:

More Dancing Insanity!


	6. Chapter 6

**Dancing Fools 3 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos. Dancing with the Stars belongs to ABC! _

Chapter 6: Strategic Gambit 

**And, we're back, ladies and gentlemen. Now, our next couple for the evening-. **

Justice entered,

"Uh, Persiana13? We might have a problem."

**Justice, what is it? I'm busy here! **

Justice said,

"It's Angie. She's missing."

The author blinked,

**Excuse me? Missing? Have you looked inside Frost's dressing room? They were going at it earlier. **

Justice nodded,

"I looked everywhere on the lot, man."

He began to panic,

"I can't live with out my Angie!"  
He broke down crying. The author sighed,

**All right, I'll call in the search dogs. Yo, Rahney! **

Wolfsbane entered,

"Dinnae ever call me that again, Persiana13!"

**Save it, bitch, and I use the term literally. Find Firestar, or I hit you with a rolled up newspaper! **

Wolfsbane was horrified,

"No! Not that! I'll get right on it, Persiana13!"

She turned into a wolf hybrid and sniffed the property. She left the set with Justice.

**Great, now that that couple is gone, who's going to fill in the time?  
**Rogue and Gambit entered, dressed in appropriate ramba attire. Rogue grinned,

"You called, sugah?"

The author thought for a minute,

**You know, I am probably going out of my way to say this, but…you two didn't have anything to do with Firestar's disappearance, did you? **

Gambit said in mock hurt,

"_Moi, mon ami_? No, never. The Gambit is a gentleman."

**Uh-huh. Right.**

The author rolled his eyes,

**Are you two sure you know what you're doing? I mean, you don't even know the dance, and you're dressed in ramba attire. **

The author then blinked,

**Hey, how did you know Justice and Firestar's dance was going to be the ramba, anyway? **

Farrah tapped her chin in thought,

"You know, that's a very good question."

Rogue glared,

"Careful, furball. You know what they say about cats and curiosity."

**Don't threaten my co-host, Rogue, or I'll convince several of my readers to write an 'M' rated fic between you and Wolverine. **

Rogue was horrified,

"You wouldn't?"

**Well, it's not like you HAVEN'T been paired up? Don't you guys think they'd make a cute couple? **

Diablos tapped his chin in thought,

"Now that I think about it, yeah. That Southern accent does drive a lot of men wild, and who is a more wild man than Wolverine?"

Rogue snarled,

"Ah'll gut you like a fish when ah get my hands on y'all!"

Gambit said,

"Calm down, _chere._ Dey jus' love messin' with yo' head."

**Right, this is all a head game. **

The author snickered,

**Well, anyway, let's get going! **

As Rogue and Gambit did the ramba, Rogue was careful about touching, but, at the same time, tried to make it sensuous and provocative. All was going well until Firestar entered,

"BITCH! DIE!"

A cat-fight broke out between Rogue and Firestar. Justice and Wolfsbane came onto the set. Justice drooled,

"Whoa."

Gambit drooled,

"You said it."

Wolfsbane rolled her eyes,

"Men."

Rogue noticed the drooling vacant stares from the two men,

"HEY! WHAT ARE Y'ALL DOIN'?"

Firestar looked up,

"Justice!"

She turned back to Rogue,

"Truce?"

Rogue nodded,

"Truce."

They both chased after Gambit and Justice. The chase went off set.

**Well, that was in interesting turn of events. Judges, what did you think? **

Magneto sighed,

"I thought the performance was decent, for two complete amateurs. A seven."

Deadpool shook his head,

"Meh, I wasn't as turned on by it. A six."

Deathbird grumbled,

"Idiot Earthlings. A five."

Farrah tutted,

"Ooh, eighteen points. Tough break for Gambit and Rogue. Or, should those scores go to Justice and Firestar?"

**I'll worry about that later. Well, when we return from this commercial break, we're going to know two things; one, which hospital Gambit and Justice are going to end up in, and two, see if Scarlet Witch and Nightcrawler can do…the Samba! **

Next Chapter:

More Dancing Madness


	7. Chapter 7

**Dancing Fools 3 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I Own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos. Dancing with the Stars belongs to ABC!_

Chapter 7: Witchy Woman

The author was talking on the phone,

**Now, wait a minute. What makes you think I had anything to do with that? He got arrested on your property. He told you WHAT? Creed said I had something to do with this! You're gonna believe him? Stryker said the same thing? He's practically a convicted pedophile, and you're taking his word against mine? Good day to you too, then! **

The author hung up,

**I swear, my life never gets dull around here. **

Deadpool said,

"The boss doesn't look too happy."

Diablos summarized,

"Stryker and Creed are going to come here with their respective groups to try and tear this place apart."

Beast said,

"A wise assessment of the future predicament, Diablos."

Farrah shrugged,

"Don't get nervous, Simba. We'll take 'em all out."

Beast groaned,

"Will you please stop calling me that?"

Farrah purred,

"Why? I think it's a cute nickname I came up with. Simba, Simba, Simba…"

Diablos laughed,

"At least she's not calling you Mufasa, Beast."

He got hit with a bean bag,

"OW! What was that for?"

**Do you want me to get sued by Disney? I really don't want to have to deal with them right at the moment. **

Magneto smirked,

"Although, I must admit, Simba is an appropriate name for Beast."

He got hit with a bean bag,

"OW!"

The author sighed,

**Let's keep this train wreck going. Now, our next couple for the evening is one that I thought would be one the fans had to see. Scarlet Witch and Nightcrawler. **

Quicksilver entered,

"I'm staging another protest!"

Scarlet Witch entered in revealing red gown,

"Pietro, get over it! I'm dancing with Kurt and that's final! And, no, I am not pregnant."

Nocturne entered,

"Mom? Is that you?"

Quicksilver panicked,

"Oh my God! That's your daughter!"

Nocturne waved sheepishly,

"Uh, hi, Uncle Pie."

Quicksilver shrieked,

"WAGNER, YOU'RE DEAD!"

He sped out onto the stage. Wanda launched a hex bolt and hit Quicksilver, causing him to run right through the studio wall and keep going, never to be seen again.

**Well, that's one way of getting rid of him. Hey, Nocturne, how you doin'? **

Nocturne nodded,

"Fine. I'm glad I could make it. I'm recovering from that stroke nicely, but it's gonna take time."  
**Take all the time you need. You can take a seat next to Simba up there. **

Beast groaned,

"Oh, my stars and garters; please stop calling me that."

Nocturne grinned,

"I like it. You can be my Unka Simba."

She playfully put her head on Beast. Nightcrawler entered in appropriate samba wear,

"Are you ready, Wanda?"

Scarlet Witch: Of course, darling."

The sounds of Quicksilver having a nervous breakdown could be heard,

"Shut up, Pietro! It's my life!"

As the two were dancing the samba, Scarlet Witch obviously tried to turn up the sensuous movements and provocative nature of the dance. Nightcrawler demonstrated remarkable agility and control, allowing himself to be lost in the dance. When it was over, the author said,

**Stirring performance. Well, judges? **

Deadpool applauded,

"I liked it. A nine!"

He extended his arms out, accidentally hitting Magneto in the face and knocking him out of the chair. Magneto grumbled,

"Deadpool, watch it!"

He sat back in his chair,

"Very good, my dear. A nine."

Deathbird grumbled,

"Seven."

She got hit with a hex bolt, starts molting feathers,

"HELP! SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP!"

Farrah smiled,

"Great performance. A 25."

**Well, when we return, one of two couples I definitely want to see; Wolverine and Jean Grey. You know this is going to be exciting. **

Diablos shook his head,

"There he goes again, deliberately trying to stir the pot."

He got hit with a mallet,

"OW! Farrah!"

Next Chapter:

And you thought things were insane before!


	8. Chapter 8

**Dancing Fools 3 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos. Dancing with the Stars belongs to ABC!_

Chapter 8: Tango Trouble 

**And, we're back ladies and gentlemen-. **

Diablos groaned,

"Yeah, we're still watching this train wreck of a show."

He got hit with a bean bag,

"OW!"

**Hey, no comments from the peanut gallery up there! Well, anyhow, we've got two more couples to go through tonight. Our next couple is one I have personally looking forward to seeing, and I know you are too. **

Magneto groaned,

"It's not like you give us any other choice."

He got hit with a mallet,

"OW!"

Deadpool laughed like Nelson on The Simpsons,

"HA-HA!"

Deathbird put her head in her hands,

"I am surrounded by insane Earthlings. That is it; this planet is not worth conquering. In fact, I am putting a galactic warning label up in this solar system for all sane life to stay away, far away from this planet."

**Huh, what do you know? I saved the Earth from an alien invasion. Yay me! **

Farrah smiled,

"That's great boss. Now if we can save this show, that'd be perfect!"  
Beast said,

"I believe it is too late for that."

He got hit with a mallet,

"OW!"

Farrah yelled,

"Quiet, Simba!"

Beast moaned,

"Stop calling me that! It's demeaning!"

Farrah pouted,

"But it suits you so perfectly! I mean, you're a big blue lion."

Diablos shook his head,

"Don't bother trying to talk her out of it. It's Farrah we're talking about. She's nuts."

Beast said flatly,

"Thank you for stating the obvious, Mr. Marlo."

**Hey, this is about me and my show! Let's get to it. Now, our next couple tonight is Wolverine and Jean Grey. They will be dancing…the Tango!  
**Jean entered in revealing tango dress,

"You know, this reminds me of my time in the Hellfire Club."

Diablos grunted,

"I take it was after you found out you were a born slut."

Everyone looked at Diablos in shock. Jean shouted,

"How dare you! What did I ever do to you?"

Diablos cast a look,

"If I went down the reasons why I think you suck, it would take all the film in the world, and it wouldn't be all the reasons. Besides, the whole coming back from the dead thing is really starting to be a bad joke."

Farrah nodded,

"He's got you there, Red."

Wolverine entered in a tux,

"Say another word, bub and…"

SNIKT,

"…yer gonna be sushi."

Farrah licked her lips,

"Now, I'm hungry. I'm gonna go get sushi."

Farrah exited the set. Diablos' eyes glowed red,

"Bring it on, old man. I'm actually looking forward to a fight."

**Hey, hey, hey! Not on my show, and not now. Maybe Wolverine can make it in the DC universe and the two of you can kill each other, but not now on my set. We have a dance to get to and we're going to get to it. **

Wolverine growled,

"Sleep with one eye open, bub."

Diablos glared back,

"You should take your own advice…bub."

As Wolverine and Jean danced the tango, Wolverine tried to engage in the more seductive aspects of the dance. At first, Jean was hesitant to accept, but, as the dance went on, embraced the attention and it. Just then, a laser blast hit Logan, sending him flying into the studio wall. Scott entered on camera,

"Take your hands off my wife!"

Wolverine got up and cracked his neck,

"You wanna fight me, Slim?"

The infamous SNIKT was heard; Wolverine bellowed in rage and charged Cyclops. A fight broke out. The author sighed,

**Great. Just great. I try to host a half-way civilized parody of Dancing with the Stars and it turns into a circus. **

Juggernaut entered,

"I can toss 'em out if you want."

**Thanks, Cain. However, I need Scott in one piece for his dance number next. But, you can play with Logan all you want. **

Juggernaut clapped his hands excitedly,

"YAY! Thanks, Persiana13!"

He grabbed Wolverine and threw him out of the studio.

**As for Slim over here…**

The author pulled out tranquilizer gun and shot Scott and Jean with it. Both were dazed and had dreamy smiles on their faces. Cyclops grinned,

"Pretty birdies."

Jean said childishly,

"Oooh, Scott. Look at the clouds. They look like cotton candy. I like cotton candy."

**I thought I saw some in the back. **

Jean jumped up and left. Diablos asked,

"Don't you just have cotton stuffing backstage?"

**She doesn't need to know that. It's more fun if she finds out. And I get to video tape it. **

Farrah re-entered and smirked,

"Well, let's go to the judges."

Magneto critiqued,

"Overall, a good performance and fight. Ten!"

Deadpool cheered,

"Yes. TEN!"

He hit Magneto in the head again. Magneto groaned,

"Damn it, Wade! Stop it!"

Deathbird said flatly,

"Nine."

**A total of twenty nine points. Very good. That's going to be difficult for Emma Frost and Cyclops to top. Fortunately, they're up next. What sort of chaos can erupt from this? Find out when we return from this commercial break. **

Beast asked,

"Who is sponsoring us anyway?"

He got hit with a mallet,

"OW!"

Farrah snapped,

"Quiet, Simba!"

Next Chapter:

Saving the Best for Last


	9. Chapter 9

**Dancing Fools 3**

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos. Dancing with the Stars belongs to ABC!_

Chapter 9: The Best for Last 

The author looked off camera,

**Is this regular coffee? I can't stand that decaf crap. **

The author looked at the camera and tossed the coffee cup aside,

**And, we're back. Now, our last couple this evening-. **

Stryker (entered,

"Sinner! Prepare to die!"

He whipped out shotgun and pointed it at me. The author yawned,

**Stryker, what in the hell are you thinking? **

Stryker cackled maniacally,

"You ruined me! My Church of Humanity abandoned me after the arrest! I am going to get my revenge against you and all of mutants! I have God on my side, so I can't lose!" He maniacally laughed. The author smiled evilly,

**Oh, Deadpool? **

Deadpool asked,

"Yes?"

**I just found someone who can play Operation with you. **

Deadpool pulled out a knife,

"Sweet! Come here, Rev! We're going to play the bestest game in the world!"

He started chasing Stryker all over the set. Stryker dropped the shotgun and fled in terror,

"HELP! HELP! YOU'RE ALL MANIACS!"

The audience laughed. Beast observed,

"I must say, Stryker is much quicker than I thought he was."

A loud explosion came from backstage. Deadpool entered, covered in blood,

"He stepped on a landmine."

The author smacked his forehead,

**So that's where I left it. I swear, turning the studio into your very own bunker was never this much of a hassle. **

Deadpool whined,

"But, who's going to play Operation with me now?"

**Well, Graydon's supposed to be here soon. Let's watch Emma and Scott perform the Salsa. **

Deadpool nodded,

"OK."

He sat back down in his judge's seat. Emma entered,

"What happened to the hallway?"  
**Stryker found out I had landmines. The hard way. **

Emma smirked,

"I like you."

Scott entered,

"I don't. What's the big idea tranquilizing me like that?"

**To prevent you and Wolverine from tearing down my studio! Now, start dancing, or I get Deadpool to chase you down. **

As Emma and Scott did the salsa, both seemed to enjoy the rhythmic sensuousness of the dance. It was almost as if Emma was seducing Scott through the dance. Scott did not seem to mind, and turnd up the suggestive thoughts. Things were going smoothly when…

Scott stepped on a land mine and it exploded,

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Emma was surprised,

"Scott! What happened?"

**I knew I planted more than one landmine around here. Thanks for finding it for me. **

Scott was dazed,

"Not a problem, mother."

He collapsed. Magneto laughed,

"TEN! TOO FUNNY!"  
Deadpool tapped his chin for a moment,

"...TEN!"

Deathbird laughed,

"Stupid humans. Ten!"

Farrah said,

"A total of thirty points. You're our leader!"

Jean entered and shrieked,

"WHAT? HOW CAN THIS BITCH BEAT ME OUT?"

Emma shrugged,

"I guess I'm just better than you, darling. Both in life and in bed with your husband."

Jean tackled Emma,

"DIE!"  
A cat-fight broke out. Deadpool cheered,

"Go! Giggidy-giggidy-giggidy-giggidy-giggidy-giggidy-giggidy-giggidy…"

**Well, that went well. When we return, America, you decide who gets to go on to next week's Dancing Fools: X-men edition! **

Farrah grinned,

"Yep, so stay tuned for more insanity!"

Next Chapter:

The finale!


	10. Chapter 10

**Dancing Fools 3 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos. Dancing with the Stars belongs to ABC!_

Chapter 10: The Finale! 

**Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's been another fun-filled episode of Dancing with the Heroes. We've seen some amazing talent, and have had a lot of laughs. **

Magneto groaned,

"At our expense."

He got hit with a bean bag,

"OW!"

Farrah added,

"And we've had a lot of cat-fighting going on too."

Emma snapped off camera,

"Get your hands off of me, Grey!"

Jean shouted off camera,

"You stole my husband away from me, slut! Die!"

Loud crashes could be heard, and items being broken. The author shrugged,  
**Well, those two are getting along. **

Diablos grunted,

"Like cats and dogs."

He then got hit with a mallet,

"OW! Farrah!"

Farrah smiled,

"What? What did I do?"

**Well, when the show is over-. **

Graydon entered,

"PERSIANA13! Stop this show right now!"

He pulled the cord out of electrical outlet. The author blinked and threatened ominously,

**Graydon, you just knocked me off the air. No one knocks me off the air and lives. **

Graydon cackled,

"Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do about it? Get your freak friends and employees after me? Hah! I'd like to see you try!"

**All right, Creed. You asked for it! **

The author pressed a button on chair. The stage opened up and table with shackles rose. A mechanical arm grabbed Graydon and threw him onto the table. He was strapped in.  
Graydon screamed,

"HELP! LET ME OUT THIS INSTANT! I'LL SUE YOU FOR THIS!"

**Hey, Deadpool. Show Graydon your favorite game you like to play. **

Deadpool clapped his hands excitedly,

"Yay! I'm going to play Operation!"

He pulled out a knife,

"Come on, everybody. Let's play!"

The audience and cast, with the exception of the author, got sharp implements and dangerously looking instruments. Wolverine grinned,

"So, what should we remove first?"

Beast asked,

"How about his brain?"  
Farrah shook her head,

"Nah, he doesn't have one. Heart?"

Diablos grunted,

"Same problem. I say we give him a sex change operation."  
Farrah squealed,

"Ooh, fun! We have to get the sleepy gas now!"

She put the gas mask on Graydon's mouth. Graydon screamed,

"HELP! You're all nuts!"

He fell asleep because of the gas.

**I have to video tape this. **

The author got a camera into position,

**Whoa, talk about extreme make over. Huh, just a thought on my next parody. Extreme Makeover: Sex Changing Villains edition! Think of the ratings! **

Deathbird ran by,

"GET AWAY FROM ME, HUMAN!"

Sabertooth was in hot pursuit,

"COME BACK HERE, HOT WINGS!"

**Great, Sabertooth got at the catnip again. I'm going to need a bigger mallet. **

End of Dancing Fools 3


End file.
